When going through a divorce, you will undoubtedly be experiencing fear, and you’ll take steps to try to manage your fears. This is understandable – you are experiencing loss of control over every important area of your life. You fear you will no longer have control over what your time with your children might look like, over meeting your day- to- day expenses, your living arrangements, your retirement, your children’s future, your future.
It will be enticing to turn to the courts as a process to regain some control. You can hire a lawyer to stand up and fight for you. They won’t be fooled by your ex’s tactics and they won’t be pushed around. In court, there are rules, timelines, and a clear process going forward that can provide some certainty to you. All of these factors make the court process look pretty good. It’s not until some time later that people who have made the choice to go through court realize that the process has not given them the sense of control that they were looking for.
The court process is incredibly expensive. How much will it cost? It’s unpredictable. With the conflict escalating, neither party can easily put a stop to the expense or to the acrimony. Parties are left waiting many months or even years for a final resolution. How long will it take? Again, unpredictable. After all this, if the parties remain unable to somehow reach an agreement at any point along the way, that important decision over their children, their finances, their lives – will be left to an outside person. Not much control in that.
I’ve been with many clients who are waiting in court for their trial – their hands trembling, questioning me – “What if the judge doesn’t remember to deal with birthdays? What if the judge doesn’t believe me? What if the judge believes him/(her)? Does this judge believe in father’s rights? Is she partial to stay-at-home mom’s? (insert all of your concerns and fears here 😊)… In a trial, the decision has been entirely handed over to a judge. Knowing this, wouldn’t you want to try a process where you have some control over the outcome?
The Collaborative Divorce process gives clients control. You receive the information that you need. You and your spouse are supported so that you can communicate effectively and make the decisions that really matter most to you. Your lawyer, still an advocate, understands that there is benefit to you in reaching a resolution. It’s not about “winning a battle” – it’s about protecting your interests and helping you reach a fair settlement. No thrill of the court room, but maybe that’s a good thing….
If you are going through a divorce, consider hiring a Collaborative Divorce lawyer.
Kelly Shaw is Owner, Senior Lawyer, Collaborative Lawyer, and mediator at Riverside Family Law, in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan.
